Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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