Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
