I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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