He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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