I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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