I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
