I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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