Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
