it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
