That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
