I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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