put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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