I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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