And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
