Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
