super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
COCAINE IS GR8
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
