you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
