So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
