Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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