i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
