***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
