Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
