I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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