There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
