He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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