I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
