dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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