Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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