I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
