We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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