I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
