it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
