I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
It's rum buckets o'clock
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize