And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
