why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize