I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
