watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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