I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
