my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
And the cops told us we were all naked.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
