Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
