Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
