PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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