Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
