Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize