Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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