I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
