i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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