Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
