In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
