bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
