I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
