It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Randomize