What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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