a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize