He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
