I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
