My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
