**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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