He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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