the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I have fence marks all over my body
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize