Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
