I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
