There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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