I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize