I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
