ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
