i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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