I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize