i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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