She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Do vagina's smell?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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