I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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