This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
