Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize