grandma shit on top of the toilet
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
