Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize
