Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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