I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
