Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
