I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
