She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
