I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
