Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
