i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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