I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
