You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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